do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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