Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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