You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
