Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
