Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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