There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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