I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
