Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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