Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
