sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
