Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
