her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
