i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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