I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
