i don't like sucking hair
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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