I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
