she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
