there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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