dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
