Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
