found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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