I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
