She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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