You work out of a Hotel?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
