Pappa wants mamma naked
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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