My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
