Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
honey bunches of taint.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
