Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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