eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
