Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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