do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i now understand why vodka
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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