Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
