FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
sex in a hospital.. check
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's shark week go big or go home
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
