My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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