There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
my liver is dry heaving
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
