Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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