I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
