don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
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When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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