I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
