He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
