I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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