i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Floor bacon is actually really good
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
