I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
