i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
