Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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