We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
