i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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