Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize