what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
