singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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