census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
