Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
