Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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