Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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