i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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