We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
