Four minutes until I can fart!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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