good thing vaginas are great cup holders
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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