Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
