chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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