His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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