You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
