just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
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direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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