How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
