When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
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I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
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Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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